she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
