Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Non-Jews are for practice
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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