No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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