you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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