Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
