my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
