if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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