you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
