and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
