I skipped work to stalk him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
