Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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