I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Pants are for mortals
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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