The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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