I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
