if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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