Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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