Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
