My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
