can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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