So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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