Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
