i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Small penises have feelings too.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
