you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
