Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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