I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
