bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
