He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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