I'm going to jail i love you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize