OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
