we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
