Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
