Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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