You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He did a backflip because drugs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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