I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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