i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
