Yo dont text me then not text me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We had sex on a dog bed..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
