his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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