next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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