Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
