I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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