my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
