I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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