She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
