I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
