I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
