i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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