Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
