My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ugly people sure do ruin things
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
