I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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