I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
