i don't like sucking hair
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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