that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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