Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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