Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
