Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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