Ambien. No doubt about it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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