I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
