i can't believe i had my finger in that
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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