Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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