No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
