I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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