If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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