Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
