Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't deserve a penis
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
