My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
