I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
