He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
