well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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