okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
