Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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