we have officially lost it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
