watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
