somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
