six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
