Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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