I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
