I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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