she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize