I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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