so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
