If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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