??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
