Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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