As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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