Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
