So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
