Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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