How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my shit smells like andre
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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